When Friends Come to Visit

When we started an exclusive B&B for our friends and family, a little research was in order to see how other vacation home owners found solutions to potentially sensitive situations.  This interesting article, written by Kathleen Hughes, sums it up while offering creative solutions:


"Consider the aptly named Toni Sweet.  Twenty-one years ago, Ms. Sweet, a former bereavement counselor, and her husband bought a 200-year old converted barn in Tuscany and split their time between Italy and Manhattan Beach, California.  The home in Italy overlooked a piazza had thick stone walls and more important, six bedrooms.  


Word spread.  "Everyone wanted to come and visit us", recalls Ms. Sweet, who says she received 20 to 30 requests a year to visit.  "It was just a nightmare.  We had more friends than we knew what to do with."


Then friends of friends and children of friends began to show up.  One teacher brought "hordes" of guests.  People approached Ms. Sweet at church and at parties, asking to stay there.  "People were very bold," she recalls.


Ms. Sweet soon found herself driving guests to the same tourist spots over and over again.  Her Italian neighbors began to laugh at her as she hung the guests' sheets out to dry.  "Are you going to Pisa again today?" they asked.  (Ha. Ha. Ha.)


It took about 10 years, but Ms. Sweet finally toughened up.  she stopped answering the phone.  She directed friends to nearby bed-and-breakfasts.  "When you're a giving person, you have to be able to go to the other extreme," she says.  New rules:  Guests could come only when the Sweets were there.  They had to have their own car and agenda.  Ms. Sweet stopped cooking for everyone.


Still, the couple finally sold the home six years ago, and they now live in Del Mar, California.  Ms. Sweet thinks if she had just been willing to charge all those people, she might still own the place.  "It would have paid for itself," she says with a sigh.


Money Helps:  Some crash-pad owners do finally decide to charge friends.  Tom Haddock, a real-estate investor in Reston, Va., rented out his condo in Ocean City, Md. for 25 years until he tired of renting to strangers.  But then the two-level condo with ocean views was just sitting there empty some of the time.  He began to turn over the keys to friends and family, no charge. 


We were really subsidizing our friends and family," he says.  "We would get the nice holiday cards with their mugs saying, "We had a great time!  Maybe next year!"


His resentment started to grow.  "Quite honestly, it felt like people were being cheap," he says.  While his guests left gifts, they weren't exactly reciprocal.  The carrying costs were about $38,000 a year, and visitors often left a $10 bottle of wine.  Meanwhile, he and his wife were cleaning up, literally.  Guests would ask, "Did someone change the sheets?"


Then Mr. Haddock had an idea.  Last year he spent four weeks drawing up a proposal and offered friends and family a "club membership":  $2,000 a year for the right to three weeks at the condo, plus $10 for each night actually spent there and cleaning costs.  Some who had been using the condo at no charge turned him down - but 13 friends quickly signed up.


"Now I'm getting $30,000 a year of income from the families, and I"m not as angry about it as when we were subsidizing everyone", Mr. Haddock says."


A friend who owns a full-time Bed & Breakfast says it's awkward when their friends ask to visit... how do you ask your friends to pay to stay at your home?  But, she says it's a business with bills to cover, so they direct friends to nearby B&B's. It's their choice whether to book their B&B at regular rates knowing the value they receive.


Likewise, we get requests from friends for private home rentals.  Strangers are happy to pay our competitive rates, but an additional "friends" discount often doesn't meet friends' even-lower expectations.

This is a common quandary for vacation home hosts.  We hope our unique "Guest Chalet" concept offers the perfect balance of covering our expenses while welcoming friends and family at unbeatable rates... and enhancing relationships along the way.